Saturday, September 19, 2015

A Letter to Jayce: Five Months

You're keeping me so busy I'm getting behind on writing these!

How has it been 5 months?!

This picture shows what this month has been about. You have gotten more rolls and more personality this month. I love it! 

You know when someone is talking to you and you turn to look when they say your name. You are trying to interact and move. 

There hasn't been a huge leap besides those 2 things so I'm expecting this next month to be lots of fussiness leading to mental and physical leaps. 

The big event this past month was our family vacation to San Antonio with Daddy's family.

You got to go to Sea World


And see the whales. 


We went swimming a lot. 


You got to go to the Riverwalk. 


Like every true Texan, you went to the Alamo. 


Notice a pattern?! You slept at all the interesting places. I guess you were getting your energy built up to become a chatterbox. 😄

You also went to your first wedding. You looked so handsome!

You even took part in the photobooth. 


You are getting so big baby boy. The next time I write to you, you will be 6 months old and half way to 1 year. I'm trying not to wish away the days even if they are rough. Your smile, giggles, & babbling are what keep me going. That and God. You are just starting to grow and I know rough nights are ahead (This past week has been awful for me but that part of your next letter. 😊) Soon, you will be mobile and my normal will change immensely. I am so glad God gave you to us. I'm learning so much about Daddy, me, & God's plan because of you. You may not fall asleep on your own right now but I'm "treasuring these things in (my) heart" because it won't be this way forever. 

"I'll love you forever. I'll love you for always. As long as I'm living, my baby you'll be."
Mommy

Tuesday, September 8, 2015

Getting something off my chest

Before we had our baby, I had a few goals about how I wanted things to go. I was going to stay home, have a completely natural child birth, and breastfeed as long as possible. So far, I've met my goals. I know the pros and cons to all of these and deem them all good things to do. I'm proud and blessed that I can do all 3 of these things. But there is a con to breastfeeding no one seems to talk about, at least to me. 

We have done our best to be socially  "normal" after having our baby boy. We still go out with friends, hang out with them at someone's house, and plan trips with them all with our baby in tow. We didn't want to be the couple that is couped up at home because we have a baby and we let his needs and schedule control our wants and schedules. BUT THAT'S WHAT SHOULD HAPPEN! They need a schedule or you go crazy! I didn't think I'd ever say that. 

Our schedule has been baby-led. That means we didn't (and still don't) force anything to happen according to our wants. We let baby boy tell us when he's hungry, he's tired, and when he should go to bed. This eventually turned into a routine that became our schedule. Thankfully, our little one is a social butterfly and loves being in the know. This allows us to take him with us and he's not a burden. 

But there's still the "issue" of breastfeeding. Baby boy over here is starting to realize he's missing out on life when he's feeding under a cover. He's also starting to sweat profusely when under it too. The cover is only useable half of the time now. 

So what do I do when he won't eat under the cover? I go in a room by myself to feed him. If we are in public, I go to the bathroom or back to the car. 

Everyone tells you that breastfeeding is constant, time consuming, painful (at first), the battle of doing it in public, and whether or not to cover up. Another positive is getting out of undesirable situations or chores because "the baby is hungry and I need to go feed him." =) 

But the con no one told me about breastfeeding is the loneliness. No one ever told me it would be lonely. Breastfeeding is so time consuming that it causes you to feel lonely at times. When I have to leave my friends and fun to feed my baby, I get lonely. When I have to go to the car during a wedding reception, I get lonely.  When I have to stop watching my favorite teams play to go to a room with no tv, I get lonely (thank goodness for iPhones, Hulu subscriptions, & a TV addiction).  But even with technology, it doesn't change the fact that I'm in a room by myself feeding my baby.

Don't get me wrong, I love my baby. I love being able to provide for him in a way no one else can. I love the bonding we have when he is awake and eating. But lots of times, he needs to focus on eating and not life around him. To do that, we need to go somewhere that he won't fight with a cover, won't be trying to look around, and won't get scared by a sudden sound.  

It's a struggle being a breastfeeding mom. Don't ever let anyone talk you out of it if it's something you want to do. Only you know what's best for your baby. Don't let anyone convince you otherwise.  I just wanted to let others out there know that the loneliness is real, totally normal, and still worth it.